I feel like I've seen it all.

I went to the Bowmanville Zoo yesterday with a couple of new friends and we had a great time.

It was a day full of whining about the heat, peacocks and zebras gettin' it on, llama slobber, and, I shit you not, a cow with 5 legs.

This poor cow has a 5th leg that grew out of it's back. It just dangles there uselessly and I have to say, it just looks SO WRONG!!!

My highlight of the day was getting to see an Asian elephant scratching it's butt on the fence. As my friend Finn said, "it had all the grace of a Japanese highrise in a 5.5 richter earthquake".

They do elephant rides at this zoo so one day I'm hoping to go back and get one. I don't have a burning desire to actually ride one, but to touch an elephant would be an experience of a lifetime for me.

Anyhow, I ended with a sunburn and the feeling pretty baked after but it was a lot of fun.

I'd love to go back!

1 Comment

hubby said...

Ohhhh .... That's not Right!

4:20 PM

I hate being hot!!!

Oh my god I HATE being hot!!!!

I find it so incredibly embarrassing!

My forehead sweats, my upper lip sweats...I feel completely gross!

For some reason, I have it in my head that people who see me are totally going to judge me. They're going to think, "wow that fat chick can't handle the heat, she's so disgusting".

It's as if I think that skinny people never get hot when I know damn well that when I was skinny (yes, I was skinny once) I couldn't handle the heat then either.

Gaaaah!

Note: Originally published June 28, 2006.

Crappy Survey

SUCKY CRAP THAT SUCKS A LOT

1. Does your middle name suck?

-Yes and no. Sucky name but neat spelling.

2. If you were a really fucked up spider, how many legs would you have?

-No legs.

3. What crappy food would you totally annhihilate from the earth?

-Brussell Sprouts...I dunno...

4. What is the crappiest color?

-Anything resembling puke.

5. Crappiest season of the year:

-Summer when it's really humid.

6. A crappy person that needs to get shot:

-Ann Coulter

7. Crappiest school picture you've ever had:

-Every single one.

8. Crap that pisses you off the most:

-Can't decide.

AWESOME CRAP

1. Names that don't suck that you might name your kids, providing that you have them:

-Maria, William

2. Favorite ice cream float:

-Never had a float.

3. A person you want to visit:

-Dunno

4. Favorite weapon:

-Intelligence

5. What is an awesome thing you own?

-My coffeemaker (hey, this morning it was pretty awesome)

6. Best song ever:

Can't pick just one...
-Lola by the Kinks
-Old Man by Neil Young
-When Ye Go Away by the Waterboys
-Love Song by The Cure

I dunno, there's more but I can't think of them...

GIMME SOME OF THAT CRAP

1. What's the #1 piece of crap that you want to own?

-A pool

2. What piece of crap car are you going to buy when you've got money and crap?

-Dunno...Toyota maybe.

3. Crap you're going to study at college:

-I have an honours degree in Psychology

4. The next piece of crap that you'll probably buy:

-Heh, more hair conditioner, materials to make trellises and a garden in the backyard

CRAP THAT'S GONE

1. A person that you miss:

-My father

2. A place that you miss:

-Home

3. An event that you miss:

-Art in the Garden at Kiwi Gardens back home

4. Day that you miss:

-May 17th

5. Piece of crap that you miss:

-My pool at home

6. A piece of crap that you threw away yesterday:

-Various recylced items, the tape off the walls from painting

7. Something that you DON'T miss:

-asshole customers when I worked

EVERYDAY CRAP:

1. Piece of crap that you step on and yell "FUCK" on the way to the shower in the morning:

-A hairball

2. Crappy state of your room:

-Laundry everwhere...I hate putting away laundry

3. Crap that you usually eat for lunch:

-Leftovers, Michelina's meal, nothing...

4. Color of your shoes:

-Mostly black but some red shoes too

5. Crap that you say a lot:

-I dunno, there ya go

6. Piece of crap that's in your CD player:

-Mix CD, KT Tunstall, Blues Traveller, Garrity

7. Color of your toothbrush:

-Pink and white

CRAP ABOUT YOU

1. Crap that you like about you:

-My eyes, my silliness when I let my guard down, my sheer iron will when I decide to use it

2. Crap that you don't like about you:

-I am my own worst enemy

3. Crap that you wish you were:

-Skinnier, more self-confident

4. Crap you do well:

-Paint walls, bead stuff

5. Crap that you do/say that you should be smacked for sometimes:

-Self-destructive behaviour, being self-absorbed

6. Color of your hair:

-black that's fading out

7. Color you want your crappy eyes to be:

-Emerald green instead of hazel-green that just looks brown to everybody.

CRAPPY TO-DO LIST:

1. Crap that you'll do today:

-Laundry

2. Crap you'll do tomorrow:

-Maybe more painting or do some beading

3. Crap you'll try to do in the next two months:

-Finish painting the house, finish the backyard

4. Crap you'll do in the summer:

-It is summer, see above.

5. Crap you'll do in the next ten years:

-Fucked if I know.

Note: Originally published June 26, 2006.

What does your birth date mean?

Your Birthdate: April 22

You tend to be understated and under appreciated. You have a hidden force to do amazing things, doing them your own way. People may see you as strange and shy, but they know little. Your unconventional ways have more power than they (and even you) know. Your strength: Standing up for what you know is true Your weakness: You tend to be picky and rigid Your power color: Silver Your power symbol: Square Your power month: April

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Ok, except for the square part, this actually freaks me out a little because it's so dead on.

Note: Originally posted June 24, 2006.

Identified Flying Objects

Yes, I know, 2 blog posts back to back.

I'm procrastinating getting back to painting...so sue me :-P

Anyhow, there must be an airshow this weekend or something because I'm certainly getting a free airshow right now.

So far, 3 fighter jets have been practicing aerial manoevres over my house. Very cool.

I love fighter jets and actually wanted to be a pilot when I was a kid.

Now there's a spitfire-like plane out there doing barrel rolls and loop-de-loops with smoke trails and stuff.

Did I pick great timing for a break or what?

Note: Originally posted June 23, 2006.

Where does it go?

Do you ever wonder where your capacity to self-edit goes?

I often do.

Here are my theories:

-the Isle of Forgotten Toys: I bet they're pretty darn angry by now about being forgotten so they need my capacity to self-edit so they can stop swearing.

-The Bermuda Triangle: What the hell. It's mysterious enough innit? I bet it feels misunderstood.

-Aliens: Just like in Star Trek I bet there are aliens betting quatloos on what they can get people to say if they temporarily remove their capacity to self-edit. If it's not some sort of sport, then it's probably just an experiment...but they're still laughing.

Personally, I blame the aliens for this post.

Note: Originally posted June 23, 2006.

What celebrity do you look like?

To find out go to this website:

Click me!

Go to the "beta" area.

You'll have to register for it to give you your results but it's free.

My Results:

66% Amanda Peet

66% Julianne Moore

66% Geri Hallowell

64% Renee Zellweger

64% Wynona Ryder

61% Joan Fontaine

...and here's the kicker!!!!

61% RUPERT GRINT!!!!!! WTF??????

Okay, I don't really see it with any of them but I CERTAINLY don't see the similarity to Rupert Grint (Ron Weasely from Harry Potter for any that don't know).

Funny stuff!

1 Comment

Lynnie said...

Oh Dear! I can't see the Rupert Grint one at all, but I can see the Amanda Peet a wee bit! Wonder who I look like? And NO, I still do not see any resemblance to Charlize Theron...and I never will! *Remember Oscar night??* lol...

9:38 PM

Note: Originally posted June 20, 2006.

Do you need a laugh today?

I recommend watching this...

Hooked on a Feeling as you've never seen it before.

Note: Originally posted June 16, 2006.

Hmmm...

Your Personality Is Like Marijuana

You're laid back and easy going, so much so that taking a shower is often too much trouble for you! Nevertheless, you're quite popular, and many people enjoy your company. You're rarely turned down. You're prone to giggle fits, paranoia, and forgetting where you are exactly.

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

2 Comments

Lynnie said...

LOL!! My personality is like cocaine....I love the blogthings!! I had a riot doing some of them.
Now, where's that rolled up $20 bill I left around here...??

6:00 PM

Amanda said...

Hahahhaaa!

6:44 PM

Note: Originally posted June 16, 2006.

I needed that!

Ok so today was really a day that I needed big time.

Finn`` stopped by and took me out for lunch. I felt so guilty that I had no money and he had to buy me lunch, but whatever, it's on me next time.

I was so incredibly nervous. I don't get out much and I usually don't go anywhere without the hubby but I think it was really good for me. It kinda pushed on all those crazy limits I set up for myself.

Of course, being me, I only really started to relax by the end of lunch, but it's a start right?

Then we poked our noses into a little pet shop by the restaurant and I swear to god I've never seen fatter chinchillas in my entire life! Hahahaaa! I loved them! I just wanted to take them home and watch them bound around. But I think we've got quite enough pets here as it is.

When I got home I played with the dogs, gave my little buddy Gonzo a cuddle and then actually did some productive stuff around the house. Nothing major mind you, let's not go crazy here, but at least I got some stuff done. Before that though, I checked in at the computer because I had left it on while I was out. My cousin in law was still online so I had the greatest chat with her. I hadn't chatted with her in a bit so it was wonderful to catch up.

And then because my life is ever so taxing (huge sarcasm there if ya missed it), I promptly fell asleep on the couch until hubby got home. I don't know what it was I just couldn't keep my eyes open. It was funny though, it was that kind of sleep where you can still hear everything but you know you're asleep. I napped away while Revenge of the Sith was playing in the background. All I could hear was a young Darth Vader whining...hehehehee. For an evil overlord he had such an undignified start to his career don't ya think? :-P

When the hubby got home I was very surprised to see that he wasn't in as bad a mood as I thought he was going to be which was nice. Hopefully things will start to get a little better for him at work.

We then flipped on this really interesting movie called "What the fuck/bleep do we know?" It's actually a movie about quantum physics and I have to say I didn't understand half of it, but the way they illustrate everything is just amazing. It leaves you with that childlike wonder for everything which is an incredible feeling to experience as an adult.

Holy shit!! Life wasn't all doom and gloom today.

Thanks for lunch! :-)

Note: Originally posted June 15, 2006.

For the love of Dog!!!

If you have a yappy dog, please do the neighbourhood a favour and DO NOT leave it outside when no one is home.

It's been yapping nonstop for about 3 hours now._angry

In other news, the city is changing it's garbage policies. It's to the point now where I just don't know what to do.

Is it garbage, recyclables, or green cart material???

Ugh, they didn't take our garbage yesterday because god forbid it had some recyclables in it. The guy who lived here before us took his blue box with him and I called for another one but they haven't delivered it yet. So what am I supposed to do in the meantime?

And to top it off, they will ONLY be accepting garbage every two weeks now and ONLY in clear bags.

My garage already stinks because they didn't take our garbage yesterday and now it's going to stink because everyone has to use green carts for compostables that will also only be picked up every two weeks.

I feel like I've moved into that city from the XFiles where if you didn't follow the laws exactly, a monster came out and night and killed you.

Everyone is so ANAL RETENTIVE here!!!!

And the dog is still barking.

But at least it's a beautiful day.
(see, I said at least one positive thing)

1 Comment

Hubby said...

I say Fuck'em ... lets dump our garbage on city hall to protest! Motherfuckin' cocksuckers aren't gonna control me man!

3:19 PM

Note: Originally posted June 15, 2006.

For the record...

Some people are born to moon and some people aren't.

I am not a mooner (or a moonie) and I am not subject to peer pressure. Ok, well, maybe once but that involved a lot of alcohol and a phonebooth...long story.

But I digress.

Not only do I have a rather large behind, but it is almost always wrapped up in a secure blanket of cotton, otherwise known as "the granny panty". On the rare occasion that a "granny panty" won't do, it is most certainly to be found nestled in a lycra supportive undergarment (*cough*girdle-shorts).

These aforementioned undergarments were not meant for public visual displays, as any impromptu unveiling would not only involve a certain loss of dignity, but it would almost assuredly be accompanied by uncontrollable mirth (and/or screams of horror) from the innocent onlookers.

Thus, my friends, I will save you all from an experience that would surely scar you (and by "you" I really mean "me") for life.

I choose not to moon!!!(when sober)

Note: Originally posted June 8, 2006.

The Voiceless Ones

I'd love to know why I'm prone to violent dreams that leave me shaken for the rest of the day.

Last night I had another doozy.

I won't go into the details because it's pretty horrific stuff but all throughout the dream, the phrase, "the voiceless ones" kept getting repeated. Now I cannot get that phrase out of my head.

What happened to those poor "voiceless ones" was just so disturbing and yet in my dream, they were hallowed people. They were forced to endure extreme torture but then they were robed and treated as though they were sacred.

The only thing is, becoming a "voiceless one" wasn't their choice.

It was brutal and should have killed them but somehow they survived to live a life of agony and misery in which they would never know that they were being worshipped as sacred.

Death would be a far kinder fate than what they endure.

What does it all mean, and why do I have such horrific dreams on a regular basis that haunt me for days?

Note: Originally published June 8, 2006.

Severe mushiness warning

As corny and sentimental as it sounds, I married my soulmate.

When I first met him, he made me so angry that I basically had a hissy fit and stormed out of the room. Anyone who can get under your skin that fast is either your arch-enemy or your true love.

Mine turned out to be my true love.

When I got to know him a bit better, it was like bells and whistles going off inside me. I had the strongest feeling like I was meant to know this person.

I'm usually the most stubbornly cynical person you'll ever meet, but in this case I really believe we were meant to be.

We've been through a hell of a lot together but through it all we've only become closer.

And today we have been married for 9 years.

I love you with all that I am.

2 Comments

hubby said...

ditto babe

6:48 AM

Amanda said...

Well that was fucking romantic, thanks. *rolling my eyes*

12:57 PM

Note: Originally posted June 7, 2006.

random spewage

Gawd but it's oppressive out.

Don't you hate it when it feels like it's got to storm outside and it just won't???

I've also been wondering why I love to make jewelry so much but I rarely wear it.

Strange.

And I just got another mosquito bite.

I'm going to go soak my head.

Note: Originally posted June 2, 2006.

anxious, anxious, anxious...

...and I don't know why...

Yay!!!!

It's that manic kind of anxiety where I can't get myself to settle down and do anything which kinda sucks because if I can distract myself, I can usually settle out.

I've got a great idea for a turquoise and jasper necklace I want to make but can I get myself to concentrate and do it? Nooooo, of course not!

*breathe in*
*breathe out*

Think of elephants.

Note: Originally posted June 2, 2006.

Warning: Dave's new hat

HAHAHAHAAAAAAA!!!!

I'm just teasin' Sweets, I couldn't help myself :-P

I love you!

Note: Originally posted May 31, 2006.

Do I hear ticking?

This morning for some reason I really want a baby.

Problem is, I don't want a kid, I just want a baby.

Go figure.

1 Comment

Hubby said...

tic toc tic toc.....

You know I'm up for the challenge
WINK WINK

and we both know what Lucie will say....

1:22 PM

Note: Originally posted May 18, 2006.

Gold Vermillion

It's still raining but I'm determined not to read any more T.S Eliot today.

Today would have been my father's birthday but instead of getting all depressed like I'm addicted to doing, I'm going to remember the good things.

Yeah, he was fucked up and basically committed suicide, but damn, while he was here he was full of love for my sister and I. It's taken me a long time to realize that just because he gave up on life, it doesn't mean he loved us any less.

He absolutely loved being a father. It's a testament to him that I can look back and see that.

So in honour of my dad, I give you a poem that would have made him laugh his ass off. My husband found this poem written on the stall of a pay-toilet in a shopping mall when he was a teenager.

It goes something like this...

Here I sit lonely-hearted,
Paid a dime and only farted.
Last time I took a chance,
Saved a dime and crapped my pants.

That one's for you Dad.

Love,
Amanda

2 Comments

Hubby said...

Way to go babe! And you got the poem Bang On! Here's to you Mr. G .... Sumo Farts all round!

Lord Windersmear eat your heart out!

3:33 PM

Amanda said...

Hehhee...sumo fart...:-P

3:40 PM

Note: Originally posted May 17, 2006.

I hate...

...that you're starting to refer to me as Madame Depresso.

'Cause that's what we called my mother and that means you're starting to feel the same way about me as I did about her.

I resent her for the way she was and now it seems like you're going to start resenting me.

I'm sorry I'm like this.

I'm sorry you have to live with someone who is like this.

Note: Originally posted May 16, 2006.

T.S. Eliot and rainy days

What a freakin' combination.

I'm addicted to depression and it sucks.

1 Comment

hubby said...

Hey babe... get off the Madame Depresso ... just think about last night
wink, wink

3:24 PM

Note: Originally posted May 16, 2006.

What famous pin-up are you?

You are Bettie Page

Girl next door with a wild streak You're a famous beauty - with unique look And the people like you are cultish about it

What Famous Pinup Are You?

Note: Originally posted May 10, 2006.

Getting to know you...

I love these things.


Taken a picture naked? Yes, but then deleted it very fast.
Made out with a member of the same sex? Not really.
Danced in front of your mirror naked? No, there's good naked and then there's bad naked...
Told a lie? Yes
Had a one night stand? No
Been in a fist fight? No
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
Had sex in your parents house? Yes
Ditched school to have sex? No
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? Yes
Seen someone die? No
Kissed a picture? yes, I'm such a nerd.
Slept in until 3? No
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes, still do
Played dress up? Yes
Touched a snake? Yes
Ran a red light? Yes
Had detention? Yes
Been in a car accident? Yes, twice. One was my fault, one wasn't.
Pole danced? No, christ I'd kill myself if I tried that.
Been lost? Yes
Sang karaoke? No
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes, it was Coke
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
Kissed in the rain? Yes
Sang in the shower? Yes
Gave your private parts a nickname? No
Ever gone to school without underwear? No
Sat on a roof top? Yes
Played chicken? No.
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? No.
Broken a bone? No, unless we're counting toes.
Mooned/flashed someone? Yes
Had sex with your socks on? Yes, I'm Canadian and it's cold in winter
Slept naked? Yes
Blacked out from drinking? Yes
Played a prank on someone? Yes, but my pranks are so lame...LOL
Felt like killing someone? Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes
Cried over someone? Yes
Had sex more than 10 times in one day? No
Had/Have a dog? Yes, I have 2
Been in a band? No, just played the violin in the orchestra in school
Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol? I don't do shots
Shot a gun? Yes.
Played strip poker? Sorta

1 Comment

Hubby said...

Taken a picture naked? No
Made out with a member of the same sex? No
Danced in front of your mirror naked? No
Told a lie? Yes
Had a one night stand? No
Been in a fist fight? Yes
Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back? Yes
Had sex in your parents house? Yes
Ditched school to have sex? No
Slept in a bed with a member of the same sex? No
Seen someone die? Yes
Kissed a picture? No
Slept in until 3? Yes
Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by? Yes
Played dress up? Yes
Touched a snake? Yes
Ran a red light? Yes
Had detention? Yes
Been in a car accident? Yes, twice. One was my fault, one wasn't.
Pole danced? No
Been lost? Yes
Sang karaoke? Yes
Done something you told yourself you wouldn't? Yes
Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? Yes
Caught a snowflake on your tongue? Yes
Kissed in the rain? Yes
Sang in the shower? Yes
Gave your private parts a nickname? yes
Ever gone to school without underwear? Yes
Sat on a roof top? Yes
Played chicken? Yes
Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? Yes
Broken a bone? Yes
Mooned/flashed someone? Yes
Had sex with your socks on? Yes
Slept naked? Yes
Blacked out from drinking? Yes
Played a prank on someone? Yes
Felt like killing someone? Yes
Made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? Yes
Cried over someone? Yes
Had sex more than 10 times in one day? No
Had/Have a dog? Yes
Been in a band? No
Taken more than 10 shots of alcohol? yes
Shot a gun? Yes.
Played strip poker? yes

2:48 PM

Note: Originally posted May 10, 2006.

What colour Rose are you?

You Are an Orange Rose

You represent desire and enthusiasm Your vibe: Sexy yet familiar Falling in love with you: happens instantly - it's a fast ride

What Color Rose Are You?

2 Comments

Hubby said...

Babe,

You are DEFINITELY an orange rose!

MWAH!

7:40 AM

Amanda said...

So what kind of rose are you? :P

12:23 PM

Note: Originally posted May 10, 2006.

May 9th

12 years ago today we had our first date.

We took a bus from the university to a little tea shop where they have all sorts of gourmet loose teas and a small selection of cakes and fresh scones.

We both giggled uncomfortably when we couldn't think of anything to say so instead we just looked into each other's eyes.

We decided to walk back to the university. It started to rain very lightly but we just laughed and kept walking holding hands.

We stopped at a hotdog vendor and you bought us hotdogs that we ate in the rain while laughing and teasing each other.

It was one of the best days of my life.

I love you more everyday.

Note: Originally posted May 9, 2006.

Some days...

...I just want to dig my nails in and rake all the skin off my body so I can start again.

1 Comment

Hubby said...

But that doesn't work. You have to let time work on your side babe. Every day you leave things be, they get better!

Loves ya darlin!!!!!

Note: Originally posted May 9, 2006.

Do you ever wonder why?

...you can't just be normal???

I mean, I realize "normal" is a very relative term but I just know there is such a thing as normal out there...and I'm not it.

Note: Originally posted May 5, 2006.

Sam the pig-snouted dog...

Sam got his kong stuck in his mouth again today and he couldn't get it out.

It was friggin' hysterical.

He had it lodged in there in such a way that it pushed his snout up to the point where it was giving him a pig-snout look and he couldn't stop sneezing.

I couldn't stop laughing as I was trying to get him to come to me so I could take it out of his mouth.

I would have taken picture of it if I'd had the camera or my phone with me.

Is it so wrong that I find that so funny?

1 Comment

Hubby said...

That boy makes me laugh!

3:02 PM

Note: Originally posted May 5, 2006.

Self-destructive behaviour

Just working through some personal shit here...nobody panic. Sometimes you just have to write it out, ya know?

Everytime things start getting better I have to sabotage it in some way.

What is it about some people (ie. me) that makes them unable to just let things be good.

I fell into my old self-destructive habits again tonight. I have a couple of good days, then, bam, right back at it again. Maybe that's part of what I like about bondage. When I'm in bondage, I can't fuckin' do anything to myself.

Not that I do anything serious...I really don't. It's just stuff that makes me ashamed and makes me want to hide away from the world.

I'd like to think there's some perfectly acceptable excuse for the things I do, but no...I'm just simply trying to fuck things up for myself.

I do this for two main reasons:

1. It's what I've been doing for decades and even though I'm making life harder on myself...somehow it makes more sense this way.

2. I get scared of people really knowing me so I give myself excuses to hide away from the world.

Both reasons are fucked.
I know it.
But it still doesn't seem to stop me.

I'm stronger than this.
I'm not as selfish as this.

I WILL stop doing this.

Today's music

...is ABBA ringing through the neighbourhood.

Much better than country or Chris de Burgh

Pretty soon I'm going to open all the windows and blast my compilation headbanger CD just to shock all the poor church-goers here...heheheee.

1 Comment

Hubby said...

Hey... that headbanger compilation is MINE ... but you can use it (maybe tonight while we BBQ up some burgers) YUM!

4:26 PM

Note: Originally posted May 4, 2006.

Untouchable

That's what I feel like sometimes.

But in the old Indian caste sense of the word. Like a leper.

I am untouchable.

Why? Because I'm obese.

I watched Law and Order: SVU last night and the plot focussed around perceptions of obese people as being disgusting and like the new lepers of society.

That's what I feel like most of the time.

But you know what? It doesn't do me any good to start dwelling on how disgusting I feel. All it does is reinforce how negatively I treat myself. So fuck it! I'm going to fight those feelings no matter how hard it is. Some days I'll win the battle, some days I won't but at least I'm still here and still kicking.

I do not deserve to be ostracisized and treated as sub-human just because I'm obese. More than anything, I do not deserve to treat myself as sub-human because I'm obese.

I'm fat dammit! But I'm not hideous. I'm not a bad person.

I deserve to give myself a chance.

So why is that so hard to do?

2 Comments

Hubby said...

Damn right babe!

Your an awesome person! I aughta know!

And anyone who can't see that can FUCK OFF or come see me! I'll set them straight!

5:15 PM

Lynnie said...

You are beautiful, you are caring, you are sweet, you are hysterically funny, you are amazing, you are kind, you are looney, you have amazing eyes, you have the most gorgeous hair, you have a presence about you that makes people feel at ease, you are talented, you are creative, you are supportive, you are so special to so many people!!!!!!
You are not a bad person, you are not hideous, you are stronger than you think, and you DO deserve to give yourself a chance!!!!
I love you!!!!!!

4:37 PM

Note: Originally published May 3, 2006.

"Always" commercials make me homicidal!

Ladies, do the "Always" commercials elicit the same reaction from you as they do from me?

I mean, FFS, "have a happy period, always." ???

!!!!!DIE, MOTHERFUCKING COCKSUCKING ADVERTISERS, DIE!!!!!

Like I'm going to have a happy period! I do not have happy blue liquid soaking into my feminine products...I've got blood leaking out of me!

Everytime I stand up I feel like my uterus is going to fall out, I'm bloated, I've got cramps, I've got a PMS headache, I go from rage to despair in .04 seconds over something as simple as dropping a fork, and you people think an Always pad is going to give me a happy period???

Fuck off you dumbshits!!!

I'd rather see this:

Scene

-the setting is a courtroom
-there's a lady in the witness box, she's the defendent

The Caption

While you're on trial for murdering your spouse for telling you that you look bloated in your pants, just remember to use "Always". You'll never leak while you commit murder.

OR

"Soak up your blood and the evidence, with Always."

Have a happy period, my ass.

This post bitchily brought to you buy Tampax, because there's nothing more fun that corking your crotch while you ride a bike.

2 Comments

Hubby said...

Woah baby.... should I be staying at hotel tonight?

4:34 PM

Lynnie said...

LMGDAO!!!!!!

4:39 PM

Note: Originally published May 2, 2006.

Isolated pockets of song...

I love to sing.

Now I know I don't have the greatest voice in the world, but I've been told it's not bad and has it's own charm. (sounds like a mixed review eh? LOL) Don't get me wrong, I can sing in tune no problem, it's just I don't think the actual sound of my singing voice is that great.

Back in the day, I used to spend hours singing with my best friend who is a trained opera singer. (I don't sing opera, not to worry.) She really liked my voice. I don't have a huge range but we'd work around that and just sing for hours having a great ole' time.

Somewhere along the way I stopped singing...I think it was after a really bad bout of bronchitis. The thing is, I never started again. Well that's not true. I still sing, but I completely lost my nerve to sing in front of other people. I just can't do it anymore. *shrugs* I sing all day when I'm alone, but the second I think someone can hear me I clam up.

I've been with my husband now for 12 years and I can do anything in front of him...except sing. It drives him crazy!!! What doesn't help is my opera singer friend is always telling him that she loves the way I sing...LOL

Often I think to myself how ridiculous it is that I just cannot get myself to sing in front of him...even if it's just along with the radio...so I decide to just stop being an idiot and just sing when I feel the urge.

Nope, still can't do it.

I've built up this phobia/insecurity/whatever so much over the years that now it seems like some sort of monumental obstacle to overcome when in fact it's really stupid and simple.

My brain hurts :-P

*currently singing along with a CD*

2 Comments

Hubby said...

Babe...I still love you, even if you don't sing in front of me. Besides, I've snuck in the house before and heard ya ... and you do have a good voice!

Mwah!

12:21 PM

Lynnie said...

Some people can't pee if someone is within hearing range, and some people can't (or won't) sing......same dif, I say!

4:41 PM

Note: Originally published May 2, 2006.

squeaky markers

OMG, don't you just love the sound of a big thick marker squeaking away on a piece of paper?

I love it. Seriously!

Am I really derranged or what?

2 Comments

Hubby said...

I'm sure there's some kind of remark about the phallic nature of the marker and the sexual connotations around the squeaking noise, but I ain't no Freud.

And besides, even Freud said "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar" (most likely while he was smoking one and thinking about his Father's penis)

4:59 PM

Amanda said...

Ew.

Note: Originally published May 1, 2006.

GO to BED!

Why in the blue fuck am I still sitting in front of the computer?

It's a quarter after midnight, I haven't taken my pills yet and I'm procrastinating going to bed. It's like I'm anxious about going to sleep or something. I dunno.

All I know is I hate the feeling of going to bed at 2 or 3 am, then not getting up 'till 10 or 11 am. So why do I do it????

Gaaaaaaah!!!!

GO TO BED!!!!! *mental head smacks*

Note: Originally published May 1, 2006.

Back in business...

My bead tray is cleaned out and loaded up.

I've got all my supplies ready.

IT'S CHOKER TIME BAYBEEE!!!

(Oh yes, the elephant paddle Finn`` made shall be mine.)

It feels good to start playing with my beads again even though I'm still trying to figure out where is the best place for me to bead. The computer desk is looking like the best spot so I'll probably be logged in all day while I bead.

I've got company coming again this weekend so I don't know how long I can devote to it tomorrow, which sucks, because once I get going I don't like to stop. But ya know, I guess I have to clean the house for the in-laws. *melodramatic sigh*

On the upside, this means that hubby is finally getting his saltwater aquarium back. His parents have been fish-sitting for us since we couldn't put the aquarium on the moving truck and the car was already full of our other animals.

I swear if we didn't have people coming to visit us practically every weekend I'd never clean the joint.

I can't help it though. I'm still fuckin' wallowing in my homesickness. It's pathetic. Anyone else would be over this by now I'm sure.

Even something fun like getting out my beads just makes me so homesick. I want my beads back in my old house where my grandfather once lived...on the street I grew up on. I want to sit in my old living room on the floor in front of the t.v. while I work away at making my beaded jewelry. I want to look out the window and see everything that's familiar, everything that's comforting.

My old house was part of my family for over 30 years and I've sold it.

Nothing will ever be the same again.

Holy hell this post really got away from me. It ended up in a direction I really didn't expect to go.

Guess I've still got "issues"

Note: Originally published April 28, 2006.

Guess that whurrr!

So I go outside to my much hated backyard today to let the dogs out and have my first smoke of the day (I know, bad habit, but I've cut down by half already), and the noises of this quiet neighbourhood soon disturb my quest to get cancer while watching my dogs crap.

First I hear country music. COUNTRY FUCKIN' MUSIC!!!

I'm not sure which I hate worse, the whiney tones of Chris de Burgh or the twanging adenoids of a country singer.

But then I am saved!!!

The house behind me starts to let off a loud electrical whurring sound. All hail the electrical hum that drowns out the country music!

As I kick my dog's mud encrusted kong around, I can't help but wonder what's making that noise. It sounds like the whurr of of a central air unit. But it can't be, can it?

Other possibilites:

-a very large shop tool in the basement but I heard no saw blade

-their pool pump but it didn't sound quite right for that and they haven't taken the cover off their pool yet

-a cloaked alien ship hovering over their house

-there was no electrical sound, it was just my brain developing a defense mechanism against the country music invading my brain

Guess that whurr!

2 Comments

Hubby said...

there is another possibility:

A Cuban Hooker with a 100 watt Vibrator

9:59 AM

Amanda said...

OMG!!!!

I never thought of that! :-O

11:55 AM

Note: Originally published April 27, 2006.

woohoo!

I met Sammy and Finn" tonight and they were just adorable and lots of fun:-)

Of course, being me, the first things going through my head are:

-they're awesome but they must think I'm an idiot
-did I come off as boring and awkward as I think I did?
-why the fuck am I over-analyzing this???

Why can't I just let myself be?

Anyhow, besides all the negative bullshit in my head, I had a really nice time tonight. I loved Finn"s puns even though they elicited lots of eye-rolling from Sammy and my husband. Maybe that was part of the fun...heheheee.

I'd love to see them again. Hopefully I'll get more work done on this place and we can invite them as well as Canemaker over for dinner one night.

Woohoo! I got myself to go out again and I lived to tell the tale:-P

I'm still coming down from the anxiety but I think it's getting easier each time to go out.

Cool.

Note: Originally published April 25, 2006.

DOH!

I forgot to take my meds until 3pm.

The anxiety levels are already high today since I happen to be meeting a couple of new people tonight and now I realize part of why I feel so fucked up is because I forgot to take my pills on time.

Grrrr!

Ah well, such is life.

Everything will probably be fine anyway.

1 Comment

hubby said...

Way to go ace!

5:51 PM

Note: Originally published April 25, 2006.

Anyone can leave comments now...

FYI, I changed the settings so anyone can leave comments now.

You still have to click on the "login and publish" button even if you're not a blogger member but it just publishes your comment...you don't actually have to login.

2 Comments

Hubby said...

Wooo-hooo - now I can make smart-ass Cuban Hooker comments!

2:15 PM

Amanda said...

Smartass! :-P

2:27 PM

Note: Originally published April 25, 2006

Birthday weekend

My birthday weekend went off pretty well I think.

The only stressful time was during the actual birthday dinner itself.

Never let a drunk man try to solve the problems in your relationship. Somehow it just doesn't work out. During dinner, my drunk husband (who is normally REALLY good at this sort of thing) took it upon himself to try and sort out our friends' relationship problems. I swear I kept expecting one or both of my friends to launch over the table and just beat the shit out of the other person. I figured by the time we got to the birthday cake they'd be dividing up their assets and solidifying a custody arrangement for their dog.

I had such an urge to start a food fight just to break the tension...hehehee.

Ah well, things simmered down and we all had a blast playing this game called Dirty Minds that is basically a cross between scattergories and balderdash...except with a lot more swearing and Cuban hookers involved :-P

Tomorrow night I'm going to meet a couple of more people off of b.com.

I'm so freakin' nervous!!!

To top it off, I got my monthly breakout of hormonal zits happening. I swear the zit I've got going is getting so big, someone's going to try to sacrifice a virgin on my face. The movie of the week will be entitled, "Mandie vs. the Volcano".

So not only am I scared to meet people in general, but I get to meet them with an extra head growing off my face.

Teh hormonies suck!

I just feel like when I meet these people they're just going to look at me and wonder why the fuck they're wasting their time having a coffee with a boring and totally neurotic chick like me.

You know, it's pretty fucking pathetic. Everyday, at some point I look into the mirror and say to myself, "I'm not as boring and ugly as I think I am". I keep hoping that one day I'll believe it.

So far, no dice.

Ah well, I just have to remind myself that even as little as a few months ago, I'd never go out and meet new people. Going out tomorrow is like a little victory for me and every little victory counts.

Note: Originally published April 24, 2006.

It's my birthday tomorrow!

Woohoo!I'm going to be 34.

Gaaah, I'm in my mid-thirties now.

It should be a good birthday, my best friend and her s/o back in Ottawa are coming down for a visit. We always have a blast with them. I've got to stock up on some more raspberry sourpuss and soda water 'cause I plan on gettin' sloshed tomorrow night.

I also have a birthday present for my best friend. It was her birthday while we were moving so we never got a chance to celebrate it. I'm nervous about it because I bought her a gorgeous summer blouse. I've never bought her clothing before but I just thought she'd love it and look hot in it. I just hope she likes it and it fits her.

If all else fails, as a joke I bought her some cheese and bbq flavoured worms to eat when I was at the zoo. Yep, they're real meal worms folks. I have to take a pic of them because they look so gross! To top it off, they're called "Wormsnax"...LOL

Those ought to be good for a laugh.

Yay for birthdays with best friends!

Note: Originally published April 21, 2006.

cruel and unusual

Oh god, NOOOOOOO!!!!

So here I sit puttering away on the computer again with all the windows open since it happens to be such a warm day and what do I hear?

Chris de Burgh music.

The things you learn about your neighbours...

Apparently the people behind me like to blast Chris de Burgh music when they spend time outside. Now I know, Lady in Red had its day, but come on now!

Well it could be worse, at least its not Celine Dion. Then again, the summer is just starting.

*shudders*

Note: Originally published April 20, 2006.

Pieces of a life...

Today I unpacked some more boxes. Books mostly.

It's been a month and a half since we moved and I'm still avoiding the unpacking and general fixing up of this place. Whenever I open a box and see all of my stuff inside, it doesn't feel as if it's mine anymore. It feels like the contents of each box are just pieces of a life I left behind in Ottawa and I'll never get that life back.

It feels like I died before we came here.

I'm not me anymore, I'm just some undead gal living here now, getting through each day by pacing the house, smoking, laying in the bathtub, wasting time on the computer, and letting my dogs outside to shit and piss.

I find it strange that my own stuff doesn't comfort me. It doesn't make this place feel like home but rather, reinforces the fact that this isn't my home. My stuff doesn't belong here. It belongs back in Ottawa in the house where my grandfather once lived...in the house next to the one I grew up in.

Rationally, I know I'm just wallowing. But I just don't seem to care enough about anything to make myself stop.

Note: Originally published April 19, 2006.

doggie chorus

I've moved into a neighbourhood with dogs practically in every house including my own 2 dogs.

During the day I experience what I like to call the "doggie chorus". When one dog ANYWHERE in the neighbourhood barks, it sets them ALL off. This lovely *rolls eyes* chorus happens several times a day, including right now.

Gaaaaah! :-P


Note: Originally published April 18, 2006.

I love elephants!!!

I had such an awesome weekend.

My sister came down for Easter/birthday and we had such a great time.Saturday we did some shopping. I picked up a kick-ass skirt that I've been wanting to buy for a few weeks now. Then we went to ye olde A&P to stock up for an early birthday feast. Sunday we went to the Toronto zoo. It's my second time there and I just love it! It was a little crowded so occasionally I got a little freaked out but we'd just take our time and I'd calm down.

My favourite animals to go see at the zoo are the elephants. I just cannot describe how much I love elephants. Last year when my husband and I went to the zoo, I cried when I saw the elephants. Until then, I had never been so close to one before. I was just so overcome with wonder and joy at seeing them that I started crying and I couldn't control it. This year I didn't cry but I swear I could have stayed there all day just to watch them. They're absolutely magnificent.

One of the biggest highlights for everyone though was going to see the gorillas. They're such incredible creatures...so intelligent and so feeling. There were two young teenager gorillas that were goofing around the whole time and generally causing trouble. They were so much fun to watch. The silverback was there, watching over everyone with calm intensity. Then there was a mother and her very young baby. While watching them, my husband made eye contact with the mother. He raised the camera to take a picture of her holding her baby and, remarkably, she raised her hand to cover her face. She then peeked through her fingers to look at my husband to see if he still had his camera up. So realizing that she didn't want her picture taken, my husband lowered the camera out of respect. She then lowered her hand and continued to look at him. She then moved so that she wasn't visible but amazingly, she picked up her baby and set it on the ground in front of where my husband was watching. The baby looked at him and grunted. Naturally my husband grunted back. The baby thought this was great fun and began to climb and bounce around on the bamboo in front of my husband. I think I forgot to breathe because I was so choked up with wonder.What do these creatures think of us, I wonder?


After we got back from the zoo, my sister made me the most scrumptious birthday dinner I've ever had. Marinated chicken and lamb souvlaki with a huge greek salad and whole wheat greek pita with tzatziki. OMG it was so good! My sister just found out that she is diabetic so we skipped the usual birthday cake and instead she made me a simple white cake using splenda and we just covered it with cool whip (yeah I know it's edible oil, but I'm lactose intolerant) and fresh blackberries and strawberries.

I'm practically drooling just remembering how good everything tasted.

Note: Originally published April 18, 2006.

I broke the bed

Yep. I broke our bed.

And I don't even have a good reason why. It wasn't because of some wild and crazy skanko-roman wrestling. See, that would have been a good story to tell.Nope, I sat on it and it broke.

So much for feeling good about losing a few pounds recently.GRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!


Note: Originally published April 10, 2006.

OMG: productivity and boring shit

I started out the day by being productive.How fucked up is that?

The manbeast and I moved in Feb. to a new city and I've finally started painting the house to make it feel more like home. I guess I can't stay in denial any longer. I live here now so I might as well make it feel more like home.

The kitchen in this house is half the size of the kitchen in our old house so it pisses me off to no end but at least it's burgundy now. The colour warms the space up so much and makes it easier to live with until we can afford to renovate it. The dining room is half painted. I did what I could without moving the china cabinet and liquor cabinet. I'm far too lazy to empty them so I can move them myself so I figure I'll paint the entryway today and wait till the manbeast gets home so he can move them for me. Yeah, I'm a feminist except when it comes to heavy lifting...hehe.

I'd like to paint the master bedroom next. I don't know what the hell they guy who lived here before us was thinking. I swear to god the colour of the walls is a cross between pea soup and puss. It must go!!!!And so must I. Time to finish taping the entryway and paint the sucker.

*wanders off to be productive again*

Comment from Finn`` 2006-04-12 11:59
Living in exile
When we moved out to Oshawa...I we kind of felt like we were living in exile..for about..ohhh..hmm....5 years? Then all of a sudden...weve been here for 13 years and feel like locals..and Toronto feels so big and impersonal now...and far away. Go figure...I know the feeling for sure.

Note: Originally published April 12, 2006.

lemon assholes

Who makes a donut that looks like an asshole?

Timmy's that's who!

And it's lemon flavoured...mmmmmmm.

[Homer]Mmmmmmmm....lemon assholes...mmmmmmmm [/Homer]

Note: originally published April 8th, 2006

testing!

Is this thing on???