Fuck-All
Did fuck-all today.
Sat on the couch and watched the 4 or so hour long version of Pride and Prejudice. Loved it.
Now I sit here thinking of how much things have changed since we moved.
The stress of this new place and his new job are taking a toll on him, and I think it's taking a toll on us.
Problem is, there are no easy answers.
Everything is so different back home now that I don't know if it would help or depress me even more if we ended up moving back there.
My Mom and Sister are visiting this weekend. It'll be the first time I spend time with them together in over 6 months. We've certainly come a long way from our family dinner every Sunday night. It'll be nice to see them but at the same time it'll remind me of a life that's gone...a life I'm trying so hard to put away and not think about.
It's like I don't want anything that reminds me of back home.
Shit, I still avoid making this place like a home. I don't keep it clean like I used too...sometimes dishes will sit in the kitchen for a couple of days before I'll get around to cleaning the mess up. I've also barely done any painting so most of the walls aren't even colours I'd choose for myself. There's even tons of boxes in the basement that we never opened.
I know it's because I'm feeling depressed. I just don't feel like doing anything.
It's hard to talk to him about it because he thinks that it's all his fault for moving us here.
It's not but I can't seem to convince him of that.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Half the time I feel like I'm losing him because he's so stressed and depressed. Is this what it's like to live with me???
Fuck, I'm so depressed tonight and there's fuck-all anyone can do about it.
Sat on the couch and watched the 4 or so hour long version of Pride and Prejudice. Loved it.
Now I sit here thinking of how much things have changed since we moved.
The stress of this new place and his new job are taking a toll on him, and I think it's taking a toll on us.
Problem is, there are no easy answers.
Everything is so different back home now that I don't know if it would help or depress me even more if we ended up moving back there.
My Mom and Sister are visiting this weekend. It'll be the first time I spend time with them together in over 6 months. We've certainly come a long way from our family dinner every Sunday night. It'll be nice to see them but at the same time it'll remind me of a life that's gone...a life I'm trying so hard to put away and not think about.
It's like I don't want anything that reminds me of back home.
Shit, I still avoid making this place like a home. I don't keep it clean like I used too...sometimes dishes will sit in the kitchen for a couple of days before I'll get around to cleaning the mess up. I've also barely done any painting so most of the walls aren't even colours I'd choose for myself. There's even tons of boxes in the basement that we never opened.
I know it's because I'm feeling depressed. I just don't feel like doing anything.
It's hard to talk to him about it because he thinks that it's all his fault for moving us here.
It's not but I can't seem to convince him of that.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Half the time I feel like I'm losing him because he's so stressed and depressed. Is this what it's like to live with me???
Fuck, I'm so depressed tonight and there's fuck-all anyone can do about it.
posted by Amanda at 12:52 AM
1 Comments:
Babe,
I'm sorry my frustration/confusion and stress is having this effect. You can always talk to me about it. I find it hard to let you know how I am feeling and what is going on in my head because I know how upset and worried it makes you.
All my Love
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