I wonder...

Ok, I'm sittin' here wondering what the hell is going on with me lately??

My mood is dark enough to blot out the sun, my temper is short, I'm withdrawing from people, and little things that would only be a fleeting irritation are bugging the shit out of me.

And, of course, when I'm like this, I dredge up every goddamn thing that has ever hurt me and I wallow and stew in the negative, angry, hurt-filled memories until I don't even know who I am anymore.

I swear I feel like I did before I started taking anti-depressants.

Before the happy-pill days, I always felt like I had darkness within me that constantly weighed me down. It almost felt like I was trapped inside myself...trapped inside a person who hated me. I used to think that I was pure evil inside and it was a daily struggle to keep the evil at bay.

I know how crazy that must sound but that's how I felt.

This week I feel a bit like that again.

I'd like to know what the fuck is going on. I haven't stopped taking my pills or anything.

Are they fucking placebos or something???

What's happening?