whiplash
Eh...not so hot again today.
I'm a bundle of nerves about the hockey game tonight. I never, ever imagined myself getting so wound up about hockey! My Ottawa Senators are down 3 games to 1 in the Stanley cup playoffs. Tonight is do or die time.
Other than that, I'm just in a bad state of mind about all the usual crap.
My skin looks like hell and I'm fighting very hard not to keep making myself bleed today.
I think I can fight it today.
I'm just not feeling very valued as a person lately. I know the only one who can make me feel like that is myself...I'm not blaming anyone else.
Eh...who am I kidding? I am blaming other people but I wish I wasn't because I know blaming other's isn't the most constructive way to deal with things.
I just wish I didn't hope/expect so much of people. I'm extremely selfish in that regard.
I just want to be important to people, ya know?
I'm important to my husband and I'm important to my best friend overseas, but it just seems that all the other people in my life would happily push me aside when something/someone else is available without a second thought.
I just don't matter.
And really...why should I care? Why do I get so invested?
It's the height of self-absorption to get hurt when you feel you don't matter to everyone you know. A lot of people don't even have what I have...a soulmate for a husband and a best friend who totally "gets me"...so why should anything else matter?
I should just fucking grow up.
I think part of my problem is that for some reason I get lonely much more frequently in this city than I do back home.
After all, here I've only got my husband and one set of relatively new friends.
At least back home, everything was familiar and we saw family and friends much more frequently making my solitary weekdays seem like a comforting recuperation time as opposed to solitary confinement.
Oh and to top of my bitchfest for today, I've got "beader's block". I've got a ton of beads in front of me but absolutely no inpiration. I really don't feel like doing something as a duplicate just to be working...I'm craving inspiration.
I want to make something new.
I've got nuthin'...
I'm a bundle of nerves about the hockey game tonight. I never, ever imagined myself getting so wound up about hockey! My Ottawa Senators are down 3 games to 1 in the Stanley cup playoffs. Tonight is do or die time.
Other than that, I'm just in a bad state of mind about all the usual crap.
My skin looks like hell and I'm fighting very hard not to keep making myself bleed today.
I think I can fight it today.
I'm just not feeling very valued as a person lately. I know the only one who can make me feel like that is myself...I'm not blaming anyone else.
Eh...who am I kidding? I am blaming other people but I wish I wasn't because I know blaming other's isn't the most constructive way to deal with things.
I just wish I didn't hope/expect so much of people. I'm extremely selfish in that regard.
I just want to be important to people, ya know?
I'm important to my husband and I'm important to my best friend overseas, but it just seems that all the other people in my life would happily push me aside when something/someone else is available without a second thought.
I just don't matter.
And really...why should I care? Why do I get so invested?
It's the height of self-absorption to get hurt when you feel you don't matter to everyone you know. A lot of people don't even have what I have...a soulmate for a husband and a best friend who totally "gets me"...so why should anything else matter?
I should just fucking grow up.
I think part of my problem is that for some reason I get lonely much more frequently in this city than I do back home.
After all, here I've only got my husband and one set of relatively new friends.
At least back home, everything was familiar and we saw family and friends much more frequently making my solitary weekdays seem like a comforting recuperation time as opposed to solitary confinement.
Oh and to top of my bitchfest for today, I've got "beader's block". I've got a ton of beads in front of me but absolutely no inpiration. I really don't feel like doing something as a duplicate just to be working...I'm craving inspiration.
I want to make something new.
I've got nuthin'...
posted by Amanda at 12:13 PM
1 Comments:
Babe,
It still hurts when it seems you don't matter. I know the feeling. But you are right to focus on me and Lucie, cuz we do "get you" and we love you to pieces.
And you don't have to grow up. You just gotta learn to be comfortable being you. Anyone who can't accept that, see how awesome you are and love you just as is can FUCK RIGHT OFF!
Or they can come and see me...and I'll set them straight (or 6 feet under as appropriate)!
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